NOT, UNTIL I CONFESS

From a young man's heart

Love? What is that, I often find myself wondering? It was many years ago I would have said that I would be a knight in bright and shinning armor to rescue a damsel in distress. I would pick her up on my white horse and carry her into the sunset to my castle where I would marry and live happily ever after with her.

I used to believe that such is what love is – a complete and blissful happiness. But, unfortunately, I had to grow up and I then of course, stop believing. Love disappointed me. It was nothing like I had picture it. There was nothing really great about it, I slowly but surely started to despise the word LOVE.

What was the point in it? It seemed to be only a feeling in which people completely lost their minds and acted in strange ways. They feel so elated and suddenly everything is beautiful. That is great but after a while something goes wrong and the world becomes a lot cruel and a lot uglier at that. I always find myself wondering why people wanted to put themselves through the despondency of something not working out over and over again.

There are only a few relationships that last which do actually last. Love causes so much pain and most of us are afraid that the scar would remain in our hearts. We love but then we are being broken little by little into pieces wishing that there would someone to put it back again.

Relationships are being ruined not because two people are not meant for each other. Relationships are being ruined because we decided not to take a course of action of doing something for it to be saved. People are just too stubborn for work hard things out. When they get scared they run. Things are not a matter of fate. We often lose the people we love not because we are not meant for each other. We lose them because we let them be. We lose the people we love because we let them go. We lose the relationship that we treasure so much because we decided not to do something about it.

Fighting for someone makes us weak. But I guess just like anybody building, the pressure and the tension that experience had brought us makes us stronger. It’s tough to make decisions especially if it involves something worth living for. Does God have the answer? I think we already know because God never speaks. He just makes people who are reasonable enough and patient enough to realize that all the while people have it in. I guess that’s freewill? Free will are not freewill unitl people realized it.

This is now I feel about LOVE. I do not recognize the good comes out of it. I promised myself a year ago that I would not fall in love again. I was too scared to take the risk of getting hurt again. I know that’s life but I couldn’t bear the thought of my whole world revolving around one person who cannot even assure me of her love. I wanted to be in control of my life and not have someone on my mind the whole time.

Clearly you can see I am completely against love. If this how I feel, then why is it that when I think about you, I find myself my battling hard to breath? Why, when I hear your voice, my heart skips a beat? Why, when I think of what we’ve done together, I cannot stop myself from smiling? Why, when I’m not with you, I cannot seem to concentrate on anything and why can I then not stop crying? Why does anything that has to do with LOVE remind me of you? And why do I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you? You are my princess and you have stolen my whole heart. How am I supposed to live without a heart? How am I supposed to live without you? You will not know and understand how I feel right now not, until I confess…